3 Signs You’re in a Situationship
During the Covid quarantine we all got tired of being cooped up at home. There was no going out to socialize, no open restaurants, in some areas not even the beaches were open for use. Although, many of us frequented them, for our own sanity.
Whether or not you were ok being around people, everything shut down. People needed to feel connected and a lot of them turned to dating apps.
Maybe you tried Tinder, or Bumble, or Coffee Meets Bagel, it doesn’t matter, they are all designed for the same purpose. Connection. You feel lonely and desperate for connection. Most are longing for physical connection but some just want someone new to talk to for a bit before ghosting.
So here you are, thinking that this is your only way to meet someone. Chat with a few ladies or dudes and see where it goes. Ask them what they’re looking for (big mistake, but you all do it) and continue into the process of dating. He or she says they want a relationship and you immediately think that means you’re on the same page about where your relationship is headed.
Now, here is where the fork in the dating world happens. Some time passes, you notice that your relationship is lacking a few things…such as daylight. Now you’re wondering if this is a relationship or a situationship?
1. NO LABEL
If they call you their “friend”, or introduce you by your name only, then you can guarantee they not thinking this is a relationship. Sure, there’s a small possibility they are just afraid to ask. This applies more for men more than women, anyway. Women aren’t often afraid of commitment words, even if they have commitment phobias. Men, on the other hand, give a lot of power to words and labels. If he calls you his partner/boyfriend/girlfriend, then it’s a sure thing he’s thought about long term with you. In that case, you are in a relationship and good for you! For the rest of you, no label could very well mean you’re in a situationship.
Granted if it’s really early into the “relationship” then this would make sense, but here we are talking about you sleeping together for 6 months or longer. Oh and yes, this really only applies if you’ve been sleeping together. If sex isn’t on the table then you don’t have a situationship. You probably don’t have a relationship either. I’d say it’s safe to call it a friendship (unless there are religious beliefs preventing sex).
2. AVOIDS INTRODUCING YOU TO FAMILY OR FRIENDS
If he or she doesn’t talk about introducing you to the important people in their life then that means they aren’t very serious about you, at least not yet. These aren’t things that should happen too early in but if you’re dating someone for months and these are sounding like you, then it’s definitely possible you’re in a situationship.
On the other hand, maybe you’ve already met some of their friends. Were those just happenstances or planned gatherings? Also, are they close friends or were they just random acquaintances that your partner doesn’t care too much about.
The people that are closest to us are the ones who we value their opinions. In those cases, we want to know what they think about the person we are dating, so to see if there is long term potential. But in a situationship they have already made up their mind about you and don’t see the need to vet you through the friends or family.
3. ONLY SEE YOU DURING THE DARK HOURS OF THE DAY
This one seems pretty obvious but there could be some variants to it. Maybe they suggest getting together after work. That seems completely reasonable. But what are you doing together? Do you just grab dinner and have sex? Maybe you don’t even get dinner. Do they want to meet you around 8pm? Sounds like a booty call.
Or maybe your partner doesn’t mind going out with you. But is it always after dark? Are they interested in spending a day with you to have quality time together? Sure he/she wants to get breakfast after all of the sex you had the night before, they’re famished! So you head out to the cafe around the corner because they have the best pancakes (and it’s close). But then after they decide it’s time to go home and get on with their weekend. Unfortunately, the weekend no longer includes you. You’ve had your allotted time and now they are on to seeing friends, adulting crap, hobby activities, or whatever else they have planned (without you).
A situationship is temporary and works for meeting initial needs. There is nothing wrong with being in one as long as BOTH parties are aware of it. A relationship means commitment to each other. It means you are exploring the idea of being a long term partnership. It does not mean marriage or kids. It simply means you’re open to sharing your time and affection with one another. To have mutual respect for each other. To learn about each other’s values, morals, and habits.
Situationships are based around sex. They don’t have to be so transactional, maybe you know a lot about your partner because of all the pillow talk. But really think about how you’re spending time together. Do you take day trips up the coast or check out local events together. Romantic nights out rather convenient late night munchie runs.
Is your entire “relationship” based around sex? Yes, sex is important to a healthy relationship but so is sharing your attention and time together. Exploring life outside the bedroom together. If you are in a situationship, you have one question to ask yourself now. Is this worth it?
