Dating After A Divorce in Your 20s
Dating after a divorce in your 20s can be challenging at minimum. Often, it can be an absolute nightmare due to the circumstances that you’re in emotionally - and the state of modern dating.
Luckily, it’s not hopeless; you just have to recalibrate your expectations, stop swiping right for the wrong reasons, and learn to love yourself again. I know that sounds like a lot, but we’re going to talk you down off that ledge and back into a healthy dating life.
How to Date After a Divorce
When you met your first love in high school or college, you couldn’t imagine your life without them. You found bliss, eventually got married - and nothing was going to change that.
But after a few up-and-down years, you grew apart and no longer had much in common. Whether it was work ambitions, political beliefs, romance, or otherwise, things fell apart.
After filing for divorce, you’re shot out into the single world once again. No big deal, you still have the best years ahead of you, right?
You get on Tinder or Bumble and start swiping. Even though you’ve never done this before, you’ve seen people have success and assume it can’t be that hard. Shit, you’ve got a real job, disposable income, and a fancy new haircut - this is going to be easy. Or is it?
Getting on the Dating Apps Post the Divorce
No one warned you that the apps would be so difficult. When do you know to ask someone out? If you’re a woman dating men, do you ask or do you wait for him to ask? What if he never asks. How are you supposed to have real conversations on these things, anyway?
You spiral and become frustrated. You are dating, but they are few and far between. The people you match with are hesitant to date you because you’re 27 and already divorced. What is wrong with you?
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. You know how to find love. You know how to keep it. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. You sustained a successful relationship at an age where most people don’t even know what they want for breakfast.
Don’t Lose Hope
Keep in mind that you have the ability to love, be loved, and be in a successful relationship again. When you get married you become a partnership, a single unit. Yes, you are both still individuals, but you operate as a single unit when it comes to major decisions.
Now you need to remind yourself what it’s like to be a solo individual making all the decisions on your own. Make sure you are maintaining a healthy self-care practice. It’s so easy to get off track with self-care. Work piles up, or your family becomes demanding, but it’s important to take time and engage in activities that bring you joy and calmness.
In fact, it’s vital for your mental health post-divorce, and will allow you to date successfully.
When to Start Dating Again After Divorce
You might have jumped back in the game before you’re ready, but that’s ok.
I mean, how are you supposed to know when it’s time to get back out there again? Unfortunately, this answer will differ from person to person - but the good news is that we made you a down-and-dirty checklist.
Do you still fantasize about your ex? If so then you might not be ready for a new relationship.
Do you still have pictures of your ex around the house? This is not a good way to invite a new partner into your life.
Is your divorce finalized? If not, it will take an extremely understanding partner.
The last thing you want to do is compare a new person to the ex. Having photos of you guys together in a drive tucked away in a deep dark cyber place is fine, but you can’t have daily reminders. More times than not, you’ll need some time and space to process when you get that call, your divorce is final. That can be VERY challenging to do while in another relationship.
Boundaries for Dating After Divorce
Lastly, don’t forget about setting or maintaining those healthy boundaries. Knowing yourself is the best way to create these boundaries. When you are clear on who you are and what kind of relationship you are looking for then, it is much easier to define your dating needs.
How often do you text? Maybe you don't like texting and you prefer to call - then you should set that boundary.
Setting a boundary isn’t as scary as it sounds. They aren’t walls or keeping people at arms distance. Setting a boundary means talking to your partner about what you like and don’t like and how that will affect your relationship.
Why it’s Exciting to Date After a Divorce
Remember - you’re a different person now. You have different goals and hopefully have learned a lot about what not to do in a relationship. Don’t get overwhelmed by the dating apps; you can take breaks to rejuvenate whenever you need. Yes, you’re a bit ahead of the curve when it comes to relationships but dating changes over time and learning how to date again can make the process smooth and fun.
