7 Must Have First Date Rules
OK -- we don’t like the word “rules”. I get it, but at this point you know that dating is treated like a game, therefore must have rules.
If you’re struggling to get second dates, it might be time for these constructive changes. Whether you like the word rule or not, these guidelines will give you a better chance at finding love & happiness while protecting you from frustration.
It’s not an interview.
Have zero expectations.
Keep it light and fun.
Find out if there’s chemistry.
Look for compatibility.
Keep your eyes open for red flags.
Think about whether or not you could spend more time with this person.
Tip #1: It’s not an Interview - it’s a date
When was the last time you came out of an interview thinking, “WOW was that fun!!”?
Never.
Maybe you were excited because you landed the job, but never did you think during the interview that it was a good time and you wanted to do it again and again and again.
Dating isn’t an interview. Find other ways to get to know someone other than using traditional interview questions. You can still find out what they do for a living without directly asking the boring question of, “So, what do you do for a living?”
Snooze.
Instead try something more exciting like a guessing game. “Let me see if I can guess your career in 5 guesses with only yes or no answers.” It brings a fun and exciting conversation to the table and you still get to find out what your date does for a living.
Tip #2: Have Zero Expectations
Expectations can kill any date. It’s ok to have standards, something you can learn more about in my book, Get the Girl. (Hint: read this to build your dating toolkit)
Expectations are usually unrealistic and we often have too many of them for one little date. If you don’t expect anything from the other person then you might just have a fun time together, even if you don’t want a second date.
Tip #3: Keep It Light and Fun on the first date!
You’re not getting married straight out of the first date; this isn’t a Rom-Com. Think about dating as a way to have a fun time out, getting to know a new and cool human.
That’s it. Nothing more.
You also don’t need to go overboard with planning a first date (you can do that later on if things work out). If you met on a dating site, then this date is the first time you are meeting face-to-face. Grab a coffee on a Sunday afternoon or go for a walk in the park. There is no need to plan out an overly romantic first date. You haven’t met yet and don’t know anything about each other.
Just get to know one another and then if there is a second date you start planning the fun things you had in mind.
Tip #4: Find out if there’s chemistry
Not to confuse chemistry with “the spark”. You don’t need a spark to have a successful relationship, but you do need to have chemistry.
Chemistry is when you can’t stop thinking about that person. You daydream at work about them. Or maybe you fantasize about your future together - even if it’s just the near future. Sometimes it takes a few dates for this to start building, or maybe you need to have that first steamy kiss.
If you have some type of connection with your date, then don’t rule out the chemistry – even if you’re not feeling it yet. It can take a few dates and sometimes some intimacy to feel that chemistry.
Tip #5: Look for compatibility in a partner
While chemistry is super important, compatibility is even more important. Chemistry will ebb and flow through your entire relationship. If your lifestyles can’t work together then you’ll have much bigger issues to work through down the road.
Compatibility is simply seeing if you have things in common. Are you a morning person and your partner is a night owl? Doesn’t mean you can make it work, but it’s going to take more effective communicating and setting up routines that work for both parties.
Tip #6: Keep your eyes open for red flags during a first date
A dude holding a fish in his profile pic is NOT a red flag (but it’s definitely a shame).
This term gets overused a lot. A red flag is something that will lead to an absolute dealbreaker. The way a man talks about his mother or sister is a red flag. It’s a sign of how he treats women.
Or if your date is always talking about money and how he or she only likes more expensive things without mentioning how they work really hard for those things, that could also be a red flag.
Not all red flags lead to dealbreakers though; they are simply warning signs that you need more information before something can be determined as a dealbreaker.
Tip #7: Could you spend more time with this person
You meet for coffee on a first date and it goes well. You both like the same kind of music, sporting activities, and seem to have a lot in common. Your date isn’t unattractive, but you’re not feeling a spark. Overall, it was a nice time.
Why not give them one or two more dates to get to know each other better? People get nervous on first dates, no matter how casual it is.
You can’t really get to know someone by meeting them one time.
It takes multiple conversations and lots of time together to really know if you have a relationship there. Give yourself a 3 date rule. If there are no red flags or deal breakers on the first date then plan a second date and see if it has any potential.
Follow These 7 Dating Rules for Better First Dates
We can’t promise success immediately just by listening to these tips, but there’s a great chance you’ll improve your long term dating outlook if you do.
Just by thinking about your expectations of a first date, you’ll make yourself a more understanding and more attractive partner. This will help you communicate better and potentially end up in a much more meaningful relationship.
